


Root Cause

by bigblueboxat221b



Series: Speaking in Tongues [16]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Anxiety, Insomnia, John's Father Is Abusive, M/M, Nightmares, No really a lot of discussion about triggers, PTSD John, Panic Attacks, Seriously a lot of detail about types of nightmares, Sherlock Being Sherlock, Triggers, Worried Sherlock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-22 16:14:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9615557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigblueboxat221b/pseuds/bigblueboxat221b
Summary: John's having nightmares and despite exhaustive efforts, Sherlock can't determine the cause.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Potential Triggers: PTSD; physical/emotional abuse; panic attacks; nightmares. Quite a lot of analysis of triggers/after effects/consequences of trauma induced nightmares, please be kind to yourself if you feel this could be upsetting to you. xx
> 
> I do have more chapters in the works for this series, but if anyone has any ideas they'd like to suggest for this series, I'd be open to suggestions! <3 to you all.

Sleeping with another person in the bed was a new experience for Sherlock. Sleeping in a bed, or at all, every night was a new experience, come to that. He cherished this time with John, and it allowed him glorious hours in which John slept to catalogue the exact shape of his eyebrows, or the response to a breath blown across his collarbone as he slept. Data he knew would take him a very long time to exhaustively catalogue.

One thing Sherlock had not anticipated was the nightmares. He knew they were something John had battled with for a long time. He suspected it had been for most of his life, given the charming attentions of his drunken father, but John had never brought up the subject. He had never talked openly about them, though he surely had noticed that Sherlock had a tendency to play soothing music on his violin when John had been shouting hoarsely from his bed in the dead of night.

Sherlock had tried to see a pattern in the nightmares, but they appeared to be at random, which frustrated him no end. How was he supposed to be prepared to manage a danger night if he did not know when it was coming?

Now that they slept in the same bed, however, data collection was much easier. Sherlock rarely slept deeply without chemical assistance, and the slightest whimper from John was enough to wake him. These nightmares were not all the same, he was slowly learning. And building a database of John’s specific nightmares helped him to discern the patterns in play.

**Type 1**

Root cause: His father.

Time: between 1-5am.

Symptoms: Moaning and twisting, then sitting upright, eyes wide, talking to someone that was not there. Begging, shouting for mercy, cowering, clearly terrified.

Duration: If unattended, between 8-26 minutes, before slowly quieting and returning to sleep.

After-effects: ongoing, sporadic cries and restless sleep for the rest of the night. Irritation and jumpiness the following day.

Approximate regularity/Triggers: The smell of alcohol (on a third party); any case with Sherlock involving parental abuse; extended media references to abuse. Continues for one to three nights after trigger.

Probable/Suspected Triggers: Either parent’s birthday; anniversary of either parent’s death; visit from Harry.

Prevention: Avoid drinking, vet cases and media exposure where possible. Determine dates of birth/death of parents and be vigilant.

Treatment Plan: Best strategy is to wake John at earliest possibility, before his eyes open. Once this occurs, gentle contact, **non-restraining** , quiet reassurance. Continued but minimal physical contact throughout the night.

**Type 2**

Root cause: Army deployment experiences.

Time: any, including day time ‘kips’.

Symptoms: Moaning and twisting, shouts, particularly, “No!” in English and others phrases in Pashto, Arabic or French. If specifically about his shoulder injury, grabbing of shoulder and cries of pain.

Duration: If unattended, between 12-28 minutes before he wakes himself up, sense of awakening immediate. Often followed by panic attack.

Aftereffects: insomnia for at least that night; reluctance to sleep for the following night/s (up to 3).

Approximate regularity/Triggers: No cases; too little activity; a visit to or from army friends; media coverage of war.

Probable/Suspected Triggers: Anniversaries of company deaths (ref. tattoo); Anniversary of being shot.

Prevention: Limit social engagements with army colleagues; maintain a level of activity to be engaging without exhausting; vet media exposure (as for Type 1). Determine anniversary dates and be vigilant.

Treatment Plan: Best strategy is to wake John at earliest possibility. Avoid sudden movements, loud noises, or speaking in Arabic or Pashto. Repeat own name often. **Do not make physical contact – remain at arm’s length to avoid being restrained/assaulted.** Once awake, maintain physical closeness at John’s discretion. Late night TV/Mindless soaps are preferable distractions.

 

**Type 3**

Root cause: **UNKNOWN**.

Time: Very early morning 2am-5am.

Symptoms: Thrashing, twisting in blankets, hitting/striking out; shouting indistinctly (probably English given inflection patterns). Falling out of bed common; if still tangled in sheets, may not wake.

Duration: Unattended, between 45-90 minutes with varying intensity. Appears to be one extended sequence with varying events.

Aftereffects: Insomnia, withdrawn/anxious behaviour for 24-48 hours including increased submissiveness, extensive journalling, appointment with therapist.

Approximate regularity/Triggers: **UNKNOWN TRIGGERS.** Regularity – one discrete night; approximately three per month.

Probable/Suspected Triggers: **UNKNOWN.**

Prevention: **UNKNOWN.**

Treatment Plan: **UNKNOWN.** A range of approaches has resulted in an unacceptably wide range of responses.

Sherlock’s data collection was conclusive about nightmare types 1 and 2, but the elusive nature of type 3 frustrated him.

They appeared at random intervals, with no relation that Sherlock could ascertain to any aspect of John’s life. Birthdays; exposure to places, people, news topics, food, areas of the city; physical ailments; none of these appeared consistently with the episodes of what were clearly the most stressful nightmares. They were longer in duration, more significant in intensity and had a more profound effect on John in the ensuing days.

Sherlock had tried asking John directly, after his data remained patchy and inconclusive. John had stared at Sherlock, eyes bloodshot with fatigue, and shaken his head wearily. Sherlock’s attempts to bring John out of his nightmares had not resulted in any consistent results. Leaving him to struggle was agonising, knowing that John was trapped in his mind and unable to escape. Sherlock’s empathy for the situation was borne of his own experiences with his fractious mind.

Now that he was sharing John’s bed, there was no escaping the knowledge for both of them that Sherlock was aware of John’s nightmares, however he still refused to open the subject. Sherlock’s confidence in their new relationship was fragile, and he was reluctant to shatter it with a poorly timed request for information. Thus he existed in a state of constant agonising limbo – to ask or not to ask?

+++

One Thursday night, his quandary was resolved. At 2.33am, John, who had been sleeping rolled away from Sherlock, reached out and thumped his fist into Sherlock’s pillow, muttering something as he did so.

Sherlock woke with a start, glad he had not been sleeping on the other side of his pillow, then focused on John.

He was still muttering to himself, waving his arms around, his fist occasionally jerking against Sherlock’s pillow. Sherlock’s heart raced – it was a Type 3. Sherlock could almost understand John this time, the language tantalisingly close to intelligible.

Usually at this point, Sherlock would start to formulate a plan to break John out of the prison of his own head. Tonight though, he hesitated, then withdrew the hand that was reaching out to placate John. Perhaps this time, if he could bear it, John’s anguished murmurings would herald some clue that would help Sherlock unlock the secret of these nightmares.

“Mmmmm….no…..uuuurgh,” John groaned, sounding in pain rather than pleasure.

Sherlock listened carefully; untangling John and giving him space to shift around. It was difficult, more difficult than he had imagined allowing John to suffer, his face contorting, voice strained, but Sherlock knew it was for the greater good.

John shifted again, and his voice was slurred in the still night air. “Dooooon’, plea’ doooooo’…”

Sherlock mentally translated the indistinct speech, _Don’t, please, don’t,_ analysing it for significance. Nothing. He would have to wait.

Over the next seven and a half minutes, John made several more meaningless phrases, none of which brought him any closer to understanding. Just as Sherlock was debating how long he should let this go on, John rolled over and grabbed at Sherlock, twisting his t-shirt in a desperate fist.

“Don’t…Sherlock…” the sound of his own name, tortured as it was, froze Sherlock in place. Astonished, he heard John’s voice continue, “please…why weren’t you careful….careful…come back to me, please…Sherlock…”

Sherlock was stunned. He was the basis of John’s nightmares? A panic came over him suddenly, and he took John by the shoulders and carefully shook him, calling his name to wake him from his nightmare.

As John woke, dazed and disoriented, Sherlock’s face peered anxiously into his. “John?” he asked, and as soon as John appeared ready to hear him, pushed on, “It’s me, isn’t it? You’re having nightmares about me. John, I’m sorry, whatever I’ve done, I’m so sorry…” Sherlock trailed off, unsure what it was he had done (was doing?), at a loss to make John believe he could make it right.

John was staring at him, just now realising the circumstances in which he had awoken. He blinked hard, then his body slackened, shoulders slumping as he saw that Sherlock knew of his nightmares.

“Hey,” John said, voice rough, one hand running over Sherlock’s bowed head, “It’s not you, Sherlock, it’s not anything you’ve done.” He yawned and pulled Sherlock in close to him, wrapping his arms around the thin man. He sighed. “I’ve always had nightmares, Sherlock. First about my charming father, then my time with the army,” Sherlock felt his tattooed bicep flex against his shoulder at the memory, and John went on, “and now you. Not you now, you in the future.”

Sherlock frowned, and raised his head to look at John.

“In my nightmares, we lose each other,” John said simply.

Sherlock stared at him, the horrified look on his face reflecting his reaction perfectly.

“Sometimes I die, sometimes you die, sometimes you die and it’s my fault, sometimes we have an argument and one of us leaves then the other dies…someone always dies, at least that’s consistent.” John smiled a wry little smile at that.

Sherlock’s body felt cold at the idea of he and John separated. “What….what triggers these?” he asked, hoping against hope it was not anything he had done or said.

But John shrugged before answering. “I know they happen when we have a particularly close call on a case. Plus, there was your birthday – yes, I know when it is – the anniversary of when we met, the time Mycroft mentioned you falling out of the tree and almost dying as a child, when you first told me your history of drug abuse…” he admitted.

Sherlock cursed himself for missing that. _He_ was the link! All the dates related to him, or specifically, to him and John. How was he supposed to help John avoid triggers when he was the trigger?

John must have been able to see him thinking, because he pulled his arms around Sherlock tighter. “Don’t even consider leaving to stop the nightmares,” he warned, “that would define irony and certainly make them a nightly appearance.”

Sherlock acknowledged the point. He still had questions, though, which John sensed.

“Alright, you’ve got questions.” John asked, releasing Sherlock and raising one eyebrow. “Can I assume there’s a data table of some kind you need to fill in?” Sherlock could feel the heat on his face as he blushed.

It abated as John helped him fill in the table for Type 3 nightmares, then admired the detail of types 1 and 2, before insisting they went back to sleep.

“John?” Sherlock said into the darkness as they lay tangled together in the middle of the big bed.

“Yes, Sherlock?”

“I will never willingly leave you.” He could feel John smile against his temple.

“I know, Sherlock.”

 

**Type 3 (Completed in consultation with Dr. John H. Watson)**

Root cause: _Anxiety re losing Sherlock._

Time: Very early morning 2am-5am.

Symptoms: Thrashing, twisting in blankets, hitting/striking out; shouting in English. Falling out of bed common; if still tangled in sheets, may not wake.

Duration: Unattended, between 45-90 minutes with varying intensity. Appears to be one extended sequence with varying events.

Aftereffects: Insomnia, withdrawn/anxious behaviour for 24-48 hours including increased deference, extensive journaling, appointment with therapist.

Approximate regularity/Triggers: _Anniversary dates re John and Sherlock; references to Sherlock dying; close calls on cases including serious injury to Sherlock. Regularity – one discrete night; approximately three per month._

Probable/Suspected Triggers: All known.

Prevention: _Sherlock to take all precautions while on cases; John to accompany him wherever possible (easier to remain unemployed); vigilance around anniversaries (John to advise)._

Treatment Plan: _Sherlock to retire to bed and remain in bed for as long as John requires. Physical contact as much as practical during the night. Should a nightmare occur, restraint by hugging, Sherlock’s voice low and calm should suffice. Aftercare of significant physical contact. Regular appointments with therapist to discuss ongoing anxiety. Plenty of tea ( **Sherlock to make** ) and cuddles on the sofa._


End file.
